13 September 2009

It's been a while .....

So, these past two weeks have been as close to insanity as I could possibly get. And most of it didn't even really have to do much with me. I've been bombarded with insensitivity, frustration, happiness, frivolity, fear, anger, douchebaggery ... you name it. If there's an emotion, I've either felt it or have been around someone with it. I'll just give you a basic rundown, because there's honestly enough crap going on that I could write an entire novel and still keep you interested... maybe.

First of all, if I haven't mentioned it before, one of my oldest friend's is getting married in about a week or so. I'm not in the wedding (thank God - no offense, friend, to you ... you've been the least bridezilla-y person on the face of the planet and I couldn't be happier for you), but it's literally around the corner and I have yet to buy a present. To be fair, this is my fault, but damn it, I'm poor. And then, a few days ago, another friend of mine announced to the world via Facebook that she's engaged (and getting hitched in about two months) to a guy she's known for, I don't know, six months. And everyone else in my life seems to be poised for proposal or actual vows. Ugh.

Secondly, and kind of humorously juxtaposed with the previous paragraph, many relationships have ended, either extremely well (as with me) or very poorly. For me, it took me exactly two seconds to move on. (Okay, explanation here. This wasn't really a relationship, per se, but a possible one. Then I found out via a slip on his part that, whilst discussing, with a fair amount of detail, I might add, a thing with me, he was still dating his girlfriend of three years or whatever. This constitutes as cheating, folks. I don't care if there was nothing actually done; the thought is what counts.) It was like, "Aw, I kind of liked him. Oh, well." For others, it was devastating. I've been there, so naturally, it's in my blood to console. There's only so much I can do, so I provided a care package: tissues, jewelry, chocolate and a puzzle book.

Then there's work. Oh, holy Jesus, why must it be so hard to deal with morons? Not everyone in my training class is bad. On the contrary, I like most of the people in there. But there's two (well, actually, just one now, although number two, who I've called Douche Turd in the past - we'll stick with that, only he's more Douche Turd Lite now - and I basically got over our differences) that continue to grate on my nerves. Not only are we stuck going over the same shit that we've gone over a million times, but we're not advancing onto the next phase: Medicaid. We'll be here damned near Christmas if we don't pick up on the learning. If I'm still in training by then, there may actually be fist-to-face action. Watch out, Snobby Sue. Watch out.

I'm also behind on my writing and artwork. If you read my writing blog (http://amillionmoretogo.blogspot.com), I had promised I would have part one to my first story up. Well, I didn't do it for reasons I'll explain in that blog, which has just added all sorts of frustration. It's like a whole other freaking job.

And in the same vein, I feel 100%, totally inadequate when it comes to my stuff. I've been reading up on people with similar styles and looking at professional artists, and they present their work with such pizazz, such finesse, that I just want to put down my pen/pencil with a resounding, "Fuck it." I know they've had years of experience, but for the love of God, will I ever be able to make it in such a challenging and competitive field? It's the exact reason I've been so hesitant to publish any of my stuff. Comparatively, I suck. Big time suckie.

Enough of the whining, though. I'm refocusing. I'm gonna watch my Fresh Ink podcast, get a little inspiration and probably go to bed. Actually, probably not. I have a rewrite to do.

And with that completely nonsensical entry, my friends, I bid you, adieu.


  1. You already know this, but I'll repeat it for you anyway. Your feelings of inadequacy are normal, all artistic endeavors are subjective, you must love what you're doing in order to succeed and not worry about how your work compares (subjectively) to another's.
    There, I'll remove my boot from your ass now. :) Feel better?

  2. Thanks again for giving me that care package. It was VERY much appreciated, even though all of the candy was gone a couple of days later. hehe

  3. @ Laura Eno ... I do feel better. Kinda. Now, back to the grind ... Thanks! :)

    @ Stef - It was nothing. Candy always = happiness, even if for just a little while. :D

  4. Chin up JJJ. You have to develop a thick skin when you start showing your work to the world.

    Every one of those artists you're looking at probably felt the exact same way to begin with. With writing you have to write a million words of crap before you get good, I'm sure there's something similar in the art world.

  5. Thanks, Anton. I completely agree with you on the artist/writer thing. I have a fairly thick skin when it comes to critique, but it's just the sheer volume of excellent talent out there ... it's so overwhelming. But all I can do is do what I do and learn from their mistakes.